So Real

I sometimes think about death. I think more about the way people will remember me more than anything. Will my funeral be packed? Will people be crying uncontrollably because I will be missed in the world?

My own answers to these questions are typically "no" mainly because it's hard to imagine other people caring about you as much as you care about them.


My mind wanders to these questions when I think about the type of friend that I am to those in my life. I analyze and evaluate constantly if I'm doing my part in the relationship. I worry that if I'm not doing enough the friendships will fall away, and I'll miss the women in my life.

With the move coming up, so many "friends" have just whole heartedly wrapped their arms around us and offered to house us, help us move, borrow trucks, and blankets and boxes. We see the friends we have made here and they are nothing less than treasure in our hearts. Each one of them so unique and special.

I think of those friends and the loss we would feel without them. I can only keep asking myself, am I selfless to them? Do I offer to serve and encourage them?

Just tonight, as I sat outside with a friend, enjoying the weather and embracing conversation, I literally thanked God in that moment for people who love us. I know God has blessed us when I see unity around us.

We are blessed. We are SO thankful!

Changes

Change is good. Change stretches us and grows us. Change is the time we lose all control in what's going on and we are forced to embrace where God is taking us. I believe change is one way that God keeps us clinging to him.

Change is coming for John and I. For us, living in this honeymoon heaven of a house has been bliss and we've built the first two years of our marriage inside these walls. So many memories and so many hours were poured into making this "home."

I'm excited for change, although I'm somewhat nervous. We are so familiar in this house and neighborhood. We love our current house but we don't love the gas bill driving to work. Change is good--I keep telling myself.

The greatest change coming will be John finishing school. Since we married, John has been a student and I have been working. That season is coming to an end and I'm excited and nervous for the change. That will lead us into a whole different phase of life, most likely with little ones running around and life will really flash by.

Change is coming.....I'm thankful the Lord keeps us reliant on him. Right now we rely on him fully to take care of us...and he has yet to fail.

So blessed and so thankful!

Birthday's past

I can remember being young and birthdays were a somewhat casual event at our house. That always seemed to be fine. Nice dinner, birthday gift, sleepover, bowling, something fun but not over the top. I can imagine when I have kids the whole birthday thing will be very similar.

One thing that really sticks out in my mind about birthdays when I was young was the cake. I always wanted a Dairy Queen Ice Cream Cake, which my brothers both got once, but mine were always homemade. That really seemed to be a thorn in my side. Apparently so much so, that I have told John the story over and over again.

Last night, as part of my birthday dinner, my sweet husband fulfilled my birthday cake dream and we indulged in a Dairy Queen cake after dinner. YUM!

As an adult, I have to say, it was more work on my mom to make a homemade cake than it would have been to just pick one up at the store. In hindsight, I should have felt like the more privelaged child, but in my ignorance, I did not.

And, as an adult, I now realize that my children will have a homemade cake! (granted I make the time and have the dedication)

Thank you John for a great cake, and mom, thank you for taking the time to make mine for all those years!


On a side note....
Today at school I saw a kid passing out advertisements for his 12 year old birthday bash. DJ, snacks, the whole bit! My question is....where as a parent/host can you go from there? wow----6th graders really have it made now days!

Enjoyment, the devils destruction

Last night John and I went to a marriage conference called "Gospel Romance." The couple that spoke is from Tennessee and they really proclaimed to have a powerful marriage and gave God all of the glory.

There were several things to take away from the conference but the idea that has resignated in my heart was a side comment they had made during the Q and A time. One couple had asked how they keep romance in their marriage during the years of having small children. What they said was simple but so profound: "We made a choice when we had children to enjoy it."

John and I do not have children yet but even now this applies. I feel like the devil has used a lot of circumstances in our lives to pull at our marriage. Our marriage alone is strong and the outside circumstances have contributed to our "success" so far. The devil has tried to destroy us with many family issues, finance issues, career issues and distance issues. God though, always wins when we let him, and he is winning in our marriage. The more the devil has tried to pull us apart, we feel even closer together.
(John 10:10 - The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.)

Because we have been working through outside circumstance issues, I sometimes feel our marriage is very serious. We are incredibly focused on being a great team, and with that we often forget the enjoyment part. After hearing the couples response, in my heart, I felt the holy spirit telling me to release a sigh and just enjoy John and our marriage. I know I enjoy him, there is no person on this planet I would rather live my life with, he is a gift from God to me and It's my gift--how blessed am I?

Most of the outside circumstances that the devil uses to destroy our marriage often consume a lot of energy and conversation and we really want to re-focus our hearts on giving those to our Lord and savior and in the meantime, enjoy eachother. The energy we spend worrying and planning, and figuring out what to do next can be exhausting and we both love eachother too much to dwell on issues that tear us down. In God's time those issues will be brought forth for healing.


Several couples at the conference are experiencing greater issues than ours and it was so real hearing them beg for help and wisdom to repair the damage done in their marriage. We never want to be in that place and with God's guidence, I don't think we will be. God loves marriages, our spouses are to be our number one concern on earth and all the rest....is details.

I'm off to enjoy a great night with my husband...day dreaming about our next house, cooking together, and leaving on the back burner that things trying to bring us down.


(James 1:17 Every good gift and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the father of lights with whom there is no variation.)

What can you set on the back burner to enjoy the Gift (spouse, friend, sibling, etc) God has given YOU?

God's promises

Sometimes we dream big and sometimes we dream realistic.

Selling the house was more of a realistic dream, we knew wouldn't get rich, we knew it was a long shot in this economy. But, none the less, we tried!

We put our house on the market about a month ago and waited. We had over 15 showings in 30 days....crazy! But, showings don't really matter if you don't have a buyer.

I was talking with a co-worker and he really spoke truth that I needed to hear. He was telling me (in a long winded way that I really didn't want to hear because I was trying to grade papers) about his experience of selling his house years ago. He went into this long saga about how when they put their house on the market in Miami, he and his wife prayed over the house for a buyer to come quickly. They even prayed for the amount and closing date. Literally, kid you not, the buyer came within days, they closed on the exact date they prayed for, and made the amount they asked God for.

I heard this story and really wanted to just ignore it. I took the whole, "I'm not going to tell God what to do,if it's his will, the house will sell."

Driving home after work the Holy Spirit really got to my heart, my gut, and in my thoughts and my mind was invaded with a prompting of prayer over our house. So, I called John and said, "I really think we need to pray for a buyer to come." He agreed and we prayed it up!

The next showing was the buyer! To God be the glory!!!!! It was for more than the amount we anticipated, they pushed the closing date giving us time to buy or rent, and all worked in our favor.

My dad had said at the very beginning, it's all in his timing. He couldn't have been more right. God's timing was according to our obedience in coming to him in prayer. When we finally hit our knees, he brought forth, in his timing, our answer to prayer.

I'm not saying we always get what we ask for, God is not a genie full of wishes. I am saying, when God puts on your heart something to do (which for us was to sell to save money) he will provide the way. He has provided for us faithfully while John is in school and I work; this is yet another way he is providing to make things work during this season of life.

Thankful is not the word. Undeserving is more like it!

BBQ's and Perspective

There are 2 Godly men in my life that I truly love and respect above all others. John of course as my husband and my father. Thankfully, he has been able to access internet and we have been e-mailing. I fought it for a while, I really need to get over this whole technology is evil thing, because it has allowed me to feel closer to my dad than I have in a few years. I literally write him on a daily basis and I love getting e-mails from him. (no-prisoners do not just surf the internet all day-they pay to get online and they only can access e-mail that has been approved by the BOP)
Today, as most days, he sent an e-mail that greatly encouraged my family and I wanted to share it with you. It is the most true evidence of Christ's faithfulness I have seen first hand in my life. He has taken a broken situation, dictated by man, and made an abundance of fruit! Praise the Lord!!!
Here is an excerpt for my dad.......he just makes me smile and then cry!


"It is great to be within God's will and purpose for my life. I continue to prepare and be prepared daily physically, and spiritually for the day I will be released. Only God knows the final day I will spend in prison. One thing I am sure of going forward. God will redeem the time I have spent in prison. He will give it back due to my obedience. I will accomplish more after release as a husband, father, grandfather and businessman than what I did before my arrest. You are all my grown children. There are many areas of life I could have done a much better job teaching all of you to prepare you for marriage, adult-hood and business. This will be a priority upon my release. I am proud of how all of you continue to trust in the Lord.
Please continue to seek his will for your lives. Assuming obedience to the Word of God and a willingness to grow a relationship with your creator---the only limitations we have going forward is us. We ahve a creator that chose us --he knew us before we were made--We have a savior whom died for us so that we would not suffer the penalty of our sinfulness--death. This Savior ascended to heaven and sits at the right hand of God praying on our behalf. Christ's grace provides a gift of eternal life--something we cannot purchase or earn. the Holy Spirit teaches, directs, comforts, gives us strength during times of suffering and is with us at all times. We are blessed with provisions, protection, rewards and love. We are also given favor. God is good.

I love you all very much and look forward to the day when we can all be together as a family. If possible to also eat some BBQ ribs!!!!!--just thought i would
add that--"


Words from a faithful servant!

So I don't forget

When I'm a parent.......

I really hope when people ask how my kids are doing, I don't respond with a long synopsis of, "well, she has a 98% in AP biology. She's the only freshman in the class and her teacher just thinks she is great. In Math she has a...."

Yes, this happened to me the other day when I ran into a former students parent. I politely asked how her child is doing and she responded with her grades.

I don't want to be the parent with an honor roll sticker (maybe because I never got one) but I just don't want to capitalize on my childs intelligence and exclude their CHARACTER.