I've debated for a week now of how to share an update on fostering. Part of me debates sharing truth because people some how find a way to judge and discourage when people choose what's best for their family (even though the people judging would never attempt to do it themselves). Part of me is proud to share our last month with Brianna because overall it was a unique experience that most people don't get.
So....I guess I'll share both :) So many of you have been calling and checking on us, sending prayers and support our way. We are SO thankful!
When we originally felt called to foster care we didn't really know in what capacity and we really had no idea what we were signing on for. I don't think anyone does really, until you experience it first hand. Fostering has turned out to be the greatest challenge I've had in my adult life. John and I are fond of the experience we had because it was truly enlightening and incredibly powerful.
What it really came down to was simple- we are just not ready to parent teenagers. We tried to force it and make it work but when it came down to it at the end of the day, we just aren't there yet. We found ourselves compromising in areas that we feel we need to perform in, areas like teaching, coaching, and John being a student himself. We found ourselves constantly frustrated because teenagers need more wise parenting than we have to offer. This season in our life just didn't fit for long term care. It's something we never would have known unless we tried it-and we are so glad that we did. Fostering has humbled us and the confidence we once had in working with kids, quickly diminished as we attempted to be parents.
On a nightly basis we questioned ourselves, the decision to keep her or give her up and it was the most emotionally draining decision we've had to make. We can look at the experience as a complete failure, and in some senses it was, but really the fruit from the experience is priceless. It opened our eyes to what some of our students' parents experience. I can now empathize with a parent in a way that I never could before. We learned how much we appreciate this sweet season of being newlyweds. While we had a child in our home, our relationship was literally non-existant. Foster children cannot be left alone with anyone, so we had to be with her ALL the time. We also learned that later in life we will come back to this. Once we get a little experience with our own kids, we have no doubt that we will re-visit fostering!
So there it is.....to the non-supporters in the world-yes, you can say that we failed. To the ones who know our hearts-yes we failed, but only in some sense of it. The revelation from the situation was priceless.
From this point on.....we will be taking kids for temporary foster care into our home. Kids who are between homes or kids who need babysat so that their foster parents can get a break. We can see the fruit of the fostering class and the relationships we built with other families in the class. We have so much to be thankful for through this failure. And we are!
1 comment:
you are so not a failure my sweet one.....you did everything you could to teach her for the time she was in your care. sadly, we will experience judgement from folks- but know always,always know in your heart that you did what you needed to do for the well being of your family. (I have to tell myself this daily) but I am learning that everyone will have opinions on this....just know from a family battling the same struggles you are both awesome folks and I have no doubt in my mind that you will be amazing parents and are a blessing to any child that works with you!!! you have blessed our family with your knowledge so much and we look forward to seeing your family grow!!! we love you guys!!!
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